I was in Kigali few weeks ago, and perhaps that comes as a surprise for most
of you; but even for those who knew about it, it wouldn't make any difference, because it was impossible for me to see anyone
of you.
So I was there not just to visit, but with a group from my school, and served
as their guide and translator.
About the trip itself, it was great to get to see my country again. One thing you realize
when you get outside of your native country, is the differences between your new place and the old one. You learn to appreciate
many things you always took for granted; for me, when I got to America, I mostly missed the Rwandan landscape: the hills,
the fields, the green valleys, rivers spiralling here and there! I would have paid to see a place like the rice paddies we
had at Rwesero (I know we all hated them, especially us the troublemakers who worked there longer than everyone else!). As
hard as it is to imagine, I missed the countryside; not its life, we all know it is the worst, but its pristine look,
and the air (when it's not polluted by cow's manure!!!).
But then again, having been outside the country for so long, I had started to look at the
history and situation in Rwanda a little bit from a different angle, and it was surprising for me, that I got to notice things
that we never really get to in Rwanda; you know, things that only a foreigner can notice, which make them essentially meaningful
allthemore.
But at the same time, there are some other side, that I thought I had forgotten, because
I had tried so much to since I got here: the Genocide, at least one side of it. I had learned to see it as a human phenomenon,
that is part of my history, but I was mostly dealing with it, as something of the past. When we visited the orphans and widows
in FARG's houses (Kinyinya), everything came back to me once again; ten and more years later, for the majority of us, the
Genocide is still an everyday issue; for them, it seems like it was yesterday. There was this lady, that was paralyzed (Mukamazimpaka)
is her name, and only recently was able to get a corrective surgery, and she can now move part of her right side of her body!
Right there in front of her, everything I had buried in my heart, came back on the surface, and I broke down and cried!
I tell this to you guys, just to remind you, in case you may have tried to run away from
the truth of what happened, that you can't! Eight thousand miles away, I tried, and failed! And I'm not trying to be
the smart one here! No, no!
Just to say, that whether we want it or not, this issue will be part of our lives for as
long as we live. And it is not so much about the ethnic problem; who did this, who did that, but where do we go now, and what
do we do of millions of those who are still suffering!!
I like to read about the Jewish Holocaust, especially the Nobel peace Prize Winner Elie
Wiesel. It happens that I'm actually reading his Novel "A Beggar in Jerusalem." This man embodies the whole Jewish
experience, not only the tragedy, and the massive depression and hysteria that followed it, but the hope that from the ruins
of their history, something beautiful would one day spring. And despite the pain, the anger, the fear, and incredulity for
most of us, there is one truth: it is that we won't be sitting in the ruins forever, unless we choose too!
I guess in Rwanda we have a case of its own, with its own causes and complications. And
the truth is, none of us really know what to do, so that we may hope to be going in the right direction. But the healing isn't
just a goal, it is the very process that leads there, and the way he handle our pain, our anger and our fears, as Rwandan,
will definitely determine where we are going with everything.
One thing about being a Rwandan living outside, you always meet other Rwandan, but
it is always very hard to know where to put them, on the spectrum of involvement in, or simply opinion about the Genocide.
Most of those who are around here are hiding from the courts; others are trying to find there own political parties, and of
course we know they really don't want to help! And the painful thing, is that we all seem to care about Rwanda. I'm not trying
to say who's right and who's wrong; just pointing out some of the things anyone who wants to make a difference will have to
deal with.
And of course, the road to recovery is just an impossible dream, because with the reasources
Rwanda has, there is no reason to hope that it'll ever get out of the hole. But I guess it is not a good idea, to sort out
what we can't do, when we haven't fully realized how much we can do.
For one thing, I send a SOS call to all of you who can, or have a heart for it. One weekend,
or an hour a week at an orphanage, or visiting someone would definitely help. You don't have to know them, or have a thousand
dollars; the worst kind of poverty, Mother Teresa said, is "to be ignored!". To be left alone, to die by yourself
in some God-forsaken dirt house, or orphanage. People usually need someone to talk to, more than they need someone to
feed them, and that's the truth. And believe it or not, if you can't give them five minutes of your day, it will be even harder
to give them fifty francs out of your own pocket!
And perhaps when we get sometime, let's keep them in mind; if you lost yours during the
hard times, you know how it feels. So as we pray, let's keep them on the list; surely what we can not do, Heaven will, but
nothing is ever forced upon us. Only what we ask for!
You all take care in the meantime.
